MintROI

Seeking to learn more about the story behind the story. Still learning.

Today’s word: Perseverance.

 

Short and sweet, but it’s enough to keep me going to another day.

For day 3, I explore some tools on how to own our own time.

In The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, Gay suggests that time comes from us. We are the producer of time and there’s an abundance of it. Once we realize that, we can see how we can make as much time as we need to do everything we can do.

Time speeds up or slows down based on our perspective. To articulate this point, Hendricks uses the example of a person holding a bowling ball for 5 minutes is going to think the 5 minutes is going extremely slow, whereas friends chatting are going to think the 5 minutes goes extremely fast.

Hendricks draws the conclusion that we must be the source of time. He suggests that once you realize that you are the source of time, you will never run out of it. For more on The Big Leap or to explore Hendricks’ techniques, visit the Hendricks Institute here.

I love this idea, but in order to bring it to life, I wanted tools to help me be the source of my own time. So I pulled together some of my personal research and observations on the properties of time, as well as the observations of other scientists and philosophers and I compiled a few tools that we can use to own our own time.

TO SLOW DOWN TIME:

1. Stop thinking in terms of scarcity. This tool was also suggested by Hendricks. If something is scarce, we instinctively hoard it, which in turn makes it even more scarce. Just look at the toilet paper conundrum of 2020. When time is scarce, we get into the mindset that we don’t have enough of it, and that’s how we start to pack our schedules full and try to multi task, cramming in every opportunity into ever second, causing us to really not enjoy the time we have, and often “run late” to things. Time is not actually scarce. It’s in a perpetual state of now. Once time has past, it no longer exists anywhere except in your thoughts and the future has not yet happened. There is just the now and what you chose to do with your now. If you catch yourself saying “I don’t have time for that” it’s because you haven’t prioritized whatever that is to make time. Hendricks suggests, and I quite agree, that we should move our mindset from that of scarcity to that of abundance. Once we think there is an abundant amount of time to do whatever it is that we need to do, and we have exactly the time we need to do it, we begin to prioritize more intelligently. King David, in the bible echos this sentiment of abundance when he says, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing” or also translated “I shall want nothing” (Psalms 23:1), in other words, I have everything I need. When you realize time is abundant and can put that mindset into practice, it removes stress and fear and it widens the space, which in turn slows time down. I suspect this phenomenon is directly related to Einstein’s theory of relativity.
2. Pay attention to the details. Remember how slow time moved for the guy holding the bowling ball? You’ve probably already observed that things go slow when you are suffering and go fast when you are enjoying them. I have good news. I don’t think suffering and enjoyment are the true determining factors for the speed of time, I think it’s our attention to details. We tend to pay closer attention to minute details when we are suffering and less attention when we having fun and are caught up in the flow. If we make our thinking in the now bigger or deeper, our perception of time slows down. For instance being here now, present, or mindful, can slow down our perception of time. Scientists have made similar observations. David Eagleman is a neuroscientist who discovered that the more detailed the memory, the longer the moment lasted for the observer. He suggests that one way you can pay closer attention to the details in a moment is to seek novelty. Treat everything like it’s the first time you are seeing it. The Buddhists call this beginner’s mind, and it’s a technique they have been using for centuries to bring attention to the now.
3. Interrupt the flow. Flow is when you’re so lost in something that you’re not even thinking about time. It’s quite enjoyable and the pay out is immense. We gain great efficiencies in work when we can work off momentum and keep the flow going. As a writer, I find that when I am in my flow, my best work comes out. Because of this exponential reward for staying in my flow, admittedly I get a little frustrated when I get interrupted. However, about two or three years ago, I realized that when I practice enjoying the interruption, my attitude towards being interrupted changes. Why is this important with time? As I mentioned before, time appears to move faster when you are in the flow. When we interrupt the flow, time slows down. If you want time to slow down AND to still be able to enjoy your time, I recommend you learn to enjoy the interruption, and you can do that by practicing interruption and being mindful of your experience when it happens unexpectedly. My personal favorite technique on finding a way to enjoy the unexpected interruption is to seek a deep understanding of what the universe is trying to tell me when I get interrupted. I look to see what I could learn from the situation.

TO SPEED UP TIME: 

I can think of two ways to speed up time.

1. The easiest thing to do to speed up time is to get into “flow”. Hendricks calls this working in your zone of genius. While this is certainly a way to speed time up, I don’t know why you would want to speed through something you are enjoying.
2. The only reason I can think of to want time to go quickly is if the thing you are looking forward to is perceived to be more exciting than the thing you are experiencing now. If this is where you are, all you have to do to speed up time is to do the opposite of what I said above. Pack a lot into a day or multi task. Take on a lot of activities at once, so that you can’t focus on the details of whatever is causing you suffering.

TO HAVE MORE TIME:

To have more time, learn the meaning of “yes”. I am not suggesting you yes to more things, actually I propose exactly the opposite. I suspect when you learn the true meaning of your yes, you will start saying “no” more often. Tim Ferris pointed out to me (and a million other followers) that when you are saying “yes” to something, you are actually saying “no” to something else. Sometimes when we take on too many things, we say “no” to necessary things like rest and sleep, eating, and basic self care. Often we don’t even realize it until we have gone days without our self care. Think about it next time you commit to taking on a new task or project, before you can give a full bodied “yes,” explore what it is that you would have to say “no” to, and for how long you have to say “no” to it, before you say “yes” to the other thing. That way if you do decide to say “yes,” then you can have a complete understanding of both where your time is going and where it’s not going. By saying “no” to more things, we are actually prioritizing our “yeses”. It would have been easier for me to say that in order to have more time you have to say “no” to things, and no doubt that would have made immediate sense, but I wanted you to consider the real price of your “yeses”.

TO ENJOY THE TIME WE HAVE: 

1. To enjoy your time, love it. It’s a simple concept, but often seemingly difficult to execute. How could we love suffering, if our moment right now causes suffering. Once again, we have to shift our mindset. If we think something is suffering, it surely will be. But if we think it is enjoyable, we will experience joy. In my research of the earth’s major religions, it seems to me that Buddhists are educated in the art of loving what is. But if you’re not ready to research Buddhist techniques, and you’re looking for some simple tools to love what is, try Byron Kaytie’s book, Loving What Is. She gives us 4 simple questions and a turn around to completely change our mind about any negative thoughts. She calls it “The Work”. While I was skeptical at first, when I really put my mind and heart into doing the work, it actually worked, and it continues to work every single time I put the effort into doing it. Anytime I am upset about anything, if I do The Work, I am able to get out of my negative mindset and get back into a positive one. I am able to love what is, no matter what that is. It’s in a large part because of my work with The Work that I can honestly say that I feel blessed to have had cancer. Because of the significant mind-shift Katie’s Work had on me, I highly recommend you read her book or check out her website here. If you are more interested in exploring this concept via a podcast, check out her interview with Oprah on Oprah’s “Super Soul Podcast” here.

My grandfather was on to something when he used to say, “If you can’t do what you love, at least learn to love what you do.” If you can truly love what you do, nothing you do will feel like work.

I look forward to hearing from you about your perspective. Let me know if there’s other tools you use to own your own time.

 

This Vlog is taking a quick turn from a cancer journey because cancer does not define me. Instead, I’m using my daily radiation treatments as a trigger to explore something new. Video communication.

In this episode, we introduce 3 views on time. The Newtonian view of linear time, the Einstein view of relative time, and the Gay Hendricks view of what I’m calling “your time perspective”.

Once we understand that there’s a difference between clock time and experienced time, there are some tools we can use to speed up time, slow it down, make more time, and enjoy the time we have. We will explore those tools tomorrow.

I’m aware that I might have missed some key elements in each teacher’s view of time, and I welcome any corrections. I’m exploring a new medium for communicating. I’m looking forward to learning how I can improve technique in video, presence, and effective communication. If you’re reading or watching this, I encourage you to contribute to the growth. Please keep in mind that I need to know both what I’m doing well and should continue as well as what I need to improve. Thanks!!

June 10, 2020

I’m not sure how this will turn out, but hoping to post a daily vlog through my 6 weeks of radiation. My expectation is that as this vlog unfolds it reveals more than a cancer journey.  It’s about how our mindset shapes our life and how the mind can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven.  Day 1, though, is just an introduction. Bear with my learning how to improve video content. I’m just getting started. Let’s see where this goes.

“You choose to be happy.”  Those words rang from the lips of my grandmother.  A lot.  Fact was, I wasn’t choosing happiness when she said them.  I was a gloomy Gus highschooler, as I imagine many highschoolers are.  Just trying to find my way.  In fact, there was a period in high school when I tried to overdose on aspirin.  Looking back, I realize it was a cry for attention, thank goodness, but the pain was real at the time.  Perhaps journaling made the difference to convince me to put on my rose colored glasses.  I remember, one day in particular, journaling about joy I had seen in my 9 year old cousin, Ashley, and how grateful I was that I hadn’t taken my life a few days before.  That if I had, I would have missed out on hearing her laughter and seeing the joy that emanated from her.  I made a decision then and there to look for the joy in everything.  This decision has served me well.

I have a positive attitude.  Is the glass half full?  No!!! The glass has so much potential to be bigger and fuller than it is!  The glass isn’t even getting started yet.

My children don’t say, “I can’t do that.” They say, “I can’t do that, yet.”  I wrote a song with them that we love to sing called “The Power of Yet”…

It’s the power of yet, baby

It’s the power of what may be

It’s the power of all the good things and the new things that may be

It’s the power of yet

(Hat’s off to Salt-N-Pepa)

At dinner instead of saying traditional prayers, we pray in our own way.  We all go around and say our high of the day, low of the day, and something we’re grateful for.  We do this because I am afraid of the suicide rates in our world, and I personally know what gratitude can do to reduce them.

So why does this all matter?  Well, it matters because my rose colored glasses have worked for me all my adult life and I want to encourage you to get a pair!  I’m incredibly blessed.  I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.  And I’m not afraid to try new things.  I’m not afraid to travel the world and speak in front of large crowds or consult to CEOs. I know CEOs put on their pants the same way I do.  My house is spacious.  My pantry full.  But I’m not afraid of seeming silly to others when I wash out my glass bottles and fill them with water or when I save my used clorox wipes and nuke them in the microwave because they can be used for outdoor cleaning too.  I remember my humble roots every day.  I was born to a teenage mother and drug dealer father.  Before I moved in with my grandparents, I went to school many days without breakfast because we couldn’t afford it.  I have horrible ugly bunions because I wore shoes too small in my youth.  One of my favorite memories is of my mother stuffing a paper bag so full it was ripping because we were at a church rummage sale, and she was buying us clothes for the year.  $5 per bag.  She was optimistic!  The bag wasn’t yet full.  My little arms could carry more.

I am positive because postivity has worked for me.  My dreams continue to come true every day.  Yes, I’ve worked hard, I got a full scholarship to college for my grades and then used it to work ahead and get my Masters, all the while working full time to pay for rent and food.  Yes, I work as hard as anyone I know.

Except one person.

I don’t work as hard as my dad.  Now that’s a hard worker.  You’ll be happy to hear he’s a good guy now.  He’s changed his ways, but he hasn’t changed his closed mindset.  He has a can’t-do mindset.  He calls himself a realist.  He barely makes ends meet.  He doesn’t eat more than one meal a day.  He works 80 hours a week without sleeping much, day job and night job.  And he still can’t make it all work for him.  He takes jobs that end up costing him money, or makes decisions that don’t make sense to me.  I love him big time, and he has taught me that my rose colored glasses are ok.  Not because he says they are ok (he thinks I’m crazy), but because I can see that they are working.  I can see the difference between my growth mindset and his.  Guess what, Dad?  I’m a realist too.

 

* Post note:

My dad taught me to see things from a different perspective.  He pushes me to look beyond the glasses at the tip of my nose.  I feel like I have a perspective that others have not seen.

My mom says she was 20, but do the math Mom, do the math.  She was 19 and both parents were HS drop outs.  They split when I was small, TG!  She went back to school, got her GED and then went to college around the same time I did.  She graduated and is now a VP of Finance.  She taught me to never give up and it’s never too late to start something new.

 

“Knowledge is of two kinds, that of which you already know, and knowing where to find what you don’t know”  – Ms Kowalski, my 8th grade Spanish teacher. She said, “If you learn nothing else from this class, learn this.” She was right. I don’t recall much from her class, but what I learned was more valuable than any textbook could teach.

I know many of us are asked to be teachers right now, and perhaps we’re rocking it, or perhaps we think we are falling short. If you’re in the latter boat, I ask that you give yourself some grace and mercy. Remember that knowledge and wisdom are two different things.

Where knowledge comes from books, wisdom, on the other hand, comes from experience. We have this great opportunity to let our children experience life WITH us. Can’t get off a conference call to help teach your kiddo geometry? No problem, teach them patience to wait until you have time. Teach them the art of independent research. Teach them to use their resources.

Or don’t! Let them play in the mud or paint or build a robot. Do what works for you. I don’t know it all. Because at the end of this, all our kiddos are going to have learned different things. And they are not going to remember a thing about what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel (tipping my hat to Maya Angelo there).

I am still working through this myself. For instance, today my best friend was complaining about something, and my response was very Shanda like: “Look at it through this lens and you’re doing great!” Only later to learn that what she really needed in that moment was not a cheerleader, but an empathizer. She needed someone who could sit with her and look through her lens, not mine, and say, yeah, that really sucks.

So in the beginning of the conversation I thought I knew something. I learned I didn’t.  I looked somewhere else to get the info (my friend). I learned more than books could teach me. And that’s called Wisdom. I’m learning. Every. Day. My experiences are different from yours. Deep down, I know I write publicly because I hope you learn something from my experiences. The reality is, I probably picked up something I’ve learned from you.

 

This is a time when companies will shine for us or fail us.  We will be able to see by their actions whether they practice what they preach.  The smartest companies will be able to put people first and still make money.  That may mean making tough decisions up front.  We’re all in it for the long run, after all.

My friend, Bridget Bosch Adell, posted on Facebook her opinion about the difference between treating employees like they are essential vs expendable, and I couldn’t agree more!  She says that many companies are calling their employees essential but they are treating them like they are expendable because they are not giving them the tools and protection to take care of themselves.  For instance, a grocery store line may have people standing 6 feet away from each other, but the distance between the cashier and the customer is always less than 6 feet (mind blown, but so true!).  This is a time when our country is more dependent than ever on those who go to the front line for us every day.  For some people, they are ready and willing to take up their post.  For others, they have no choice.  If they don’t, they will lose their job and it becomes a downward spiral from there.  I want to back the companies who back their employees.

I’m curious on what companies are doing great and which are not doing so great for their employees in this time.  Feel free to comment on what you’re seeing out there.  I’m watching.

I’d like to say they removed my cancer with a little c when they removed both my breasts.  But we don’t know that for sure.  It is good.

On the first day, God had a plan and included me in it.  He set into play a master equation that is simply breathtaking.

On some day beyond that, within the last 4 years, I started paying attention to what the universe was saying to me.  I won’t lie, I’m not always looking with open eyes, but when I do, it’s astounding!

On some day beyond that, I started listening to podcasts.  And on a fateful day, I heard a podcast by Tim Ferriss that changed the course of my life.  This particular episode, Gary Keller – How to focus on the One Important Thing (#401), led me to another podcast, The ONE Thing.  Now, this podcast is centered about finding that one thing, that lead domino, that when you put it in place, it makes everything else you have to do easier or even obsolete.

So I did this exercise where I separated my life into buckets, set out my goals of what I wanted to achieve by the end of my life, and then worked my way backwards to find that one that that by putting it into place, I could set myself in motion to achieve those goals.

In the area of Health, my ONE Thing was to schedule a mammogram that I have been putting off for years.

So, on January 2, 2020, I had my first mammogram.  And they called me back.  And then I met Millie, my technician, who found 3 tiny lumps.  Later, I would learn that those 3 tiny lumps were so small, that other technicians had trouble finding them upon follow up biopsies.  Millie saved my life because she was looking.  My radiologist told me that he saw some concerning markers on my scan, and he used the word concerning several times, and he even told me then and there he thought I would end up needing a mastectomy.  At first, I was taking it in.  Then I was angry because my personal doctor would have never worried me over anything.  I later realized he was mentally preparing me for the journey ahead.  I was blessed again.  It was good.

With this news, I immediately put into place the “ONE Thing” that I could do at work and home that if they had to go a time without me, they would be able to self sustain.

Some day after that, in late January, my biopsy confirmed I had invasive ductal carcinoma (breast cancer).  Stage 1.  Because it was caught so early it was very treatable.  Nearly 100% survival rate.  It was good news, if, of course, you have to hear news like this.

Some day after that, my boss, understanding my situation, allowed me time to go get a second opinion, not allowed, she encouraged me and gave me the space to do it without stress.  And I’m so fortunate to have MD Anderson, one of the worlds best Cancer Hospitals only a 4 hour drive from me.  I spent several days there and while they generally like to “save the breast,” they too, encouraged me to get a mastectomy.  Both doctors agreed on the course of action for my impacted breast, which gave me the peace of mind I had been praying for to know what to do.  Because I had now seen so many different doctors, and I heard differing opinions from them about whether or not this could impact my clear breast, I decided to take a conservative approach and remove both my impacted and my clear breast.

On March 10, 2020, I had an operation to remove both my breasts.  After 5 hours of surgery, I woke up.  It was painfully good.

On March 11, 2020, one day after my surgery, the World Health Organization declared a global pandemic for Covid-19.  People in a frantic went to the grocery stores and bought out all the toilet paper.  But because I was preparing for my surgery, I had already stocked my cabinets for the 2 weeks I would be down.  Yes, I had bought a 24-pack of TP too.  It was good.

Then for the two weeks that followed, in a time when people could not find food, food magically appeared on my door step.  It was good.

I was given a breathing tool that helps keep my lungs healthy, in a time when a deadly disease attacks the respiratory system.  It was good.

Then, a few days ago, I received word that they removed all my tumors, but I have cancer cells spread out like scatter shot across 8 centimeters of my breast.  My margins are slim, less than .1 cm.  My largest tumor was .9 cm when they first found it.  In a month and a half, it had grown 50%.  That’s ok, they removed it.  I have multi centric disease, which means multiple tumors were growing at the same time, but it’s not spread, it’s separate tumors.  However, I will pause because I rejoice that I had them take both breasts.  I’m not a doctor, and I know my cancer from my right side did not spread to my left, but somewhere deep down, I wonder that whatever was allowing the multiple growths in my right breast, might also impact my left.  Again, not spread, but still be a factor if a new cancer occurs.  Somehow, I know this news, too, will be used for the good.

In fact, there is no spread, my lymph nodes are clear.  This has not metastasized!  I’m still only stage 1A.  But they can’t be 100% sure that they got all the cancer cells that were spread out like scatter shot because with margins so small, it’s impossible to know.  I might be 100% cancer free!  But, I might not be too and even if they left just one cell, it can grow into a tumor.  So now I’m looking at daily radiation and the next phase of my treatment.  I won’t lie, it’s a little daunting in Covid-19 times.  Cancer + Covid-19=Complicated.  This is cancer with a little c, and I have a healthy respect that the c may be a little bigger than I originally thought, but God is still bigger than it all.

Let’s play the “what if” game.  Now that’s not a good game to play in advance of life occurring, but it’s intriguing to play with your past.

What if I hadn’t scheduled my appointment when I did?  This tumor grew fast.

What if I hadn’t met Millie? They may not have seen the tumors.

What if my boss hadn’t have given me the time off to get a second opinion?  I may not have taken both breasts.

What if I hadn’t been able to get my surgery in when I did?  The hospitals may become over burdened and I may have had to wait longer.  Longer than that growing tumor may have let me wait.

We could go on.  But I will leave you here, because hopefully now you know how I know that all along, God’s finger prints have been all over.  Blessed!

God works with intention, and I say that no matter what we experience, if it is God’s intention, it is good.  Keith Craft says, “When we say what He says, we see what He sees”  (twitter handle @KeithCraft).

For those who have eyes to see, let them see God’s plan in their lives too.

Rest, peace, and my love,

Shanda

Update September 21, 2024: It’s been four and a half years since my diagnosis. At 5 years I can call myself cancer-free. I know I already am. I still look at my diagnosis as a gift because it was a wake-up call that I was able to answer. A good friend of mine just passed away from cancer. It was not a gift for her.

I have been looking for the pause button for the past several days while processing her death and my dad’s passing of a heart attack (one year ago yesterday), both taken too soon. For all those in the battle to survive – fight the good fight. It’s not easy. It’s infuriating. It’s still worth fighting.

I see life in the details that I used to take for granted. My daughters laugh at the dinner table. My son’s excitement when he runs in saying “Mommy, mommy, guess what?” (he’s 6’1″ and by no means a little kid anymore). It’s so funny how quickly you get back into a routine and stop paying attention to the details. But, for those that want to know, I’m no longer carrying cancer myself. Everything is going to be ok. It always has been. It always will be.

The world is changing!

And it’s changing for the better.

I have cancer during a pandemic.  Much of the world is in quarantine.  Horrible things are happening to families and loved ones.

Yet, everything is just as it should be. 

Because that’s what is. 

And what is can be beautiful if you are wearing the right lenses.

No, I’ve not jumped off the deep end.

Life has gotten more full and alive than ever.  And when I look at the world for exactly what it is on the face, it’s quite scary.  But when I zoom out, it’s spectacular.  When I zoom in, it’s enchanting.  And both are happening right now.

Zoom out of the war zone for a moment.  Let’s look at our planet.  Let’s look at how the air pollution has cut down.  China can see the sky again.  The rivers in Venice have dolphins!  Who knew?  People are wasting less and less.  We are sharing medical information across borders.  People are working together and uniting towards a common goal.

Zoom in to our homes and families.  I am astounded to learn more about my children and what they can do.  They are so adaptable.  When school went remote, I expected questions and confusion and maybe even fear, but they just took it in stride and stepped up.  My kiddos are keeping me – checklist Shanda – on schedule.  When I walk my neighborhood, I see people out walking!  This is new.  My neighbors just had a social distancing get together where several sat chairs outside spread far apart from each other and just spent time with each other in person.  Never before has that happened for no reason.  And I’ve learned that I can eat every meal at home with my family and be quite engaged with the process.  Life is good.

Cancer has been a blessing!  I’m on paid leave from work and can focus on my family right now.  While the US is worried about empty grocery shelves, food has magically shown up at my door step for the past two weeks because my loved ones have set up a meal train to take care of me post surgery.  When Frisco finally buckled up and closed restaurants and bars, my family and I were already on self-quarantine for a week or two prior, not only doing our part to help flatten the curve, but we were unwittingly getting way ahead of it.  And I cannot wait to tell you about the master plan that God put into action that had me even catch this cancer so early, and not only catch it, but have surgery to remove most of it ONE day prior to the declaration of a pandemic.  I received the medical care I needed before our hospitals became too crowded.  I got the alcohol swabs and medical supplies to support my recover before they were completely gone.  And my husband, Mark, was trained on how to remove my drain tubes at home so we could continue to distance ourselves from the battle lines…what a crazy and great opportunity.

So how can I know God has this all under control and things are as they should be?  That’s what I hope to explore in the upcoming posts.  So yeah, even this blog is changing for a time.  I’m going to share my journey in hopes it helps someone along their journey.

Righteousness and Love,

Shanda